"I feel like I can fly. I feel like I could write until the end of time. I feel like I am worth nothing. I feel like cutting my skin is the only way to stay in the moment. I feel like I am the best, worst, and only person on the face of the earth. I feel like I do too much. I feel like I will never do enough. I feel like I am a role model to all those who seek the truth. I feel like if you listen to me, you will only hear lies. Don't listen. Don't look at me. Don't pay me any mind. Please see the hurt. Please see how I am lying. Please see what I cannot tell you...ever.........."
The preceding is what goes through my mind in about 15 seconds on any given day. This is the thought process of one person with Bipolar Disorder. It usually happens about 100 times a day, a few times every hour.
Now add guilt. Now add anxiety, nausea, sweating, shaking. Now add the voices of 10 other people, all shouting at the same time. Now add visual hallucinations. Now add screaming parents, spouses, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, enemies.
Now try to work a job "just like everyone else". Now try to clean your house, cook your meals, do your laundry, tend to your children, socialize with your friends. Now try to accomplish your dreams.
Seems a little difficult, doesn't it?
The next time someone says they're anxious about something, or they don't know if they can make it out to meet you for dinner, or they just don't know how they're going to get through the day, don't get angry or annoyed. Don't sigh and think about what a drama queen they are. Don't try to tell them that "it's all in their head", because IT IS ALL IN THEIR HEAD AT THE SAME TIME.....and it's not going anywhere. Just read this post. Read it again and again until you start to see what it might be like for them.
And just love them. The only thing people with an illness want is a little love and support. Just give them that much....and know you make all the difference.
The preceding is what goes through my mind in about 15 seconds on any given day. This is the thought process of one person with Bipolar Disorder. It usually happens about 100 times a day, a few times every hour.
Now add guilt. Now add anxiety, nausea, sweating, shaking. Now add the voices of 10 other people, all shouting at the same time. Now add visual hallucinations. Now add screaming parents, spouses, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, enemies.
Now try to work a job "just like everyone else". Now try to clean your house, cook your meals, do your laundry, tend to your children, socialize with your friends. Now try to accomplish your dreams.
Seems a little difficult, doesn't it?
The next time someone says they're anxious about something, or they don't know if they can make it out to meet you for dinner, or they just don't know how they're going to get through the day, don't get angry or annoyed. Don't sigh and think about what a drama queen they are. Don't try to tell them that "it's all in their head", because IT IS ALL IN THEIR HEAD AT THE SAME TIME.....and it's not going anywhere. Just read this post. Read it again and again until you start to see what it might be like for them.
And just love them. The only thing people with an illness want is a little love and support. Just give them that much....and know you make all the difference.
I am grateful to have had two other friends who have generously and plainly explained to me the facts of depression and just what anyone else can and cannot do about it. Now your piece, and I am grateful again for an articulate, straight-out description of what this beast is like. It's not a question of whether love is enough -- love is the only thing. XOX, Jaylyn
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