Untitled Poem

Hello, gentle readers. I almost never write poetry. When snippets pop into my head, they feel false, and I can never tell if they are truly poetry or just my brain's attempt at lyrics. The following came pretty fast and flowing last week in the hospital, so I thought I'd throw it up here and see what it looks like on this page. 

I think it's safe to say I'm letting my 17 year old self out for a minute, but there you have it. 

Enjoy???

Untitled

Moments so deep they won't subside,

Breaths full of anger and shame,

Pulling & stretching, breaking & searching,

Nowhere to hide but inside the flame. 

Ribbons of pain stream through the trees,

They catch the light of my tears,

Razors cut paths through memory,

Flesh tells stories out of school. 

Take this hand and know its truth,

Let it guide you down the hall,

Each room you pass shows something new,

Something closer to the fire I know. 

Happily Ever After?

Hello, my gentle readers. Here we are again, at the beginning of yet another year.  Funny how that seems to happen at the end of every December, eh?

Whilst we are all in the midst of discarding the old and pushing toward the new, I have thought a lot in the last few days about how I'd like this year to go. I've perused my former posts about the new year. Once I was going to divest my home of all the clutter. Once I was going to charge full-steam ahead into a life without mental illness. As you may have guessed, these "resolutions", such as they were, didn't quite come to be. My house is still a treasure trove of memories past, and I'm still as crazy as I was last year.

This year I am discarding resolutions and their ilk. Each day must be taken as it comes. I was speaking with my great-aunt last week during Christmas festivities. She has terrible emphysema, and is on oxygen 24 hours a day. She said to me "Laura, you and I are not so different. We need to roll with each new day. There are some days when we feel great and can get things accomplished. There are others when we just hang on for dear life." 

I have had some "hanging on" moments in the last week or so. I've also had days where I was able to accomplish things. My Auntie is right. This really is the best way to go. 

Tomorrow I work at the library and see my Nana in the evening. I will take Friday as it comes.

Saturday I have an appointment with a new doctor, an integrative psychiatrist who combines functional and traditional treatments to cater to an individual's psych needs. He's written a great book that Paulie and I have both read. We are really encouraged by his philosophies and success rates. I will take Saturday as it comes.

Sunday I will sing at Mass and see my other Nana and my Dad for some breakfast afterwards. I will take Sunday as it comes. 

To me, this different way of seeing the world and my responsibility in it means that every day is January 1st.  Every day means new possibility, both good and bad. I am ready to roll with each new day, as Auntie said. 

Here's to a whole year of January 1sts.