It's here! It's here! A new year, and a time for reflection, resolutions, casting out the old, bringing in the new.... blah blah blah blah sentiment blah blah blah blah.
Basically, this is the time of year when people figure out who they want to be when they grow up... or at least who they want to be next week. I have decided that I want to be a thin, organized and happy individual in 2012. That's also what I wanted to be in 2011, 2010, 2009... you get the idea, gentle reader?
I believe that part of the issue I have with de-cluttering my home and my body comes partially from my own belief that, in and of itself, I am NOT enough. I am not smart, talented, attractive, or witty enough to live in this world on my own. So I accumulate STUFF. I accumulate books, CDs, magazines, gadgets, clothing, shoes, and food food food food food. I have accumulated so much stuff that I have no idea where it starts and my own person begins. It's frustrating and embarrassing.
From the age of 8, I fell into that gushy, warm American materialistic belief system that if I just had those Esprit sneakers, or that IOU sweatshirt, or those Z Cavaricci pants, I would be happy. I would be fulfilled. The mean girls at school would finally stop making fun of me, and the boys would realize that I was just as cute as ... those mean girls. The thoughts that took up space in my 8 year old, 12 year old, 17 year old, and 23 year old brains just make me angry. Those thoughts are some of the same ones I have now, with more "grown up" traits. The cycle, my friends, must bloody well stop.
Where do we go from here? Thanks so much for asking, Mr. Lloyd Webber!!! I have made a decision. I watched myself go through all kinds of ridiculous cycles in my brain over people and things and whether or not I was popular enough. I watched myself earn a high school diploma and college degree. I watched the possibility of a high-profile singing career die a quick death at the hands of mental illness. I watched myself crawl on hands and knees through the trenches of coming back from said illness. You know what? I'm fucking tired. You know where we go from here? We go home.
Home! What a concept! I have one of those! It's full of all the things that my husband and I accumulate because we're unhappy with ourselves. This cycle ends here, my friends.
I am armed with a shit ton of organization books from the library, a phone number for a dumpster service, and beautiful beautiful ebay.
I am enough without all this crap in my house and my brain. I am enough with my husband, our satanically-minded cat, and a home in which we can start anew.
I am, quite simply, enough.
Happy Freakin' New Year.
Basically, this is the time of year when people figure out who they want to be when they grow up... or at least who they want to be next week. I have decided that I want to be a thin, organized and happy individual in 2012. That's also what I wanted to be in 2011, 2010, 2009... you get the idea, gentle reader?
I believe that part of the issue I have with de-cluttering my home and my body comes partially from my own belief that, in and of itself, I am NOT enough. I am not smart, talented, attractive, or witty enough to live in this world on my own. So I accumulate STUFF. I accumulate books, CDs, magazines, gadgets, clothing, shoes, and food food food food food. I have accumulated so much stuff that I have no idea where it starts and my own person begins. It's frustrating and embarrassing.
From the age of 8, I fell into that gushy, warm American materialistic belief system that if I just had those Esprit sneakers, or that IOU sweatshirt, or those Z Cavaricci pants, I would be happy. I would be fulfilled. The mean girls at school would finally stop making fun of me, and the boys would realize that I was just as cute as ... those mean girls. The thoughts that took up space in my 8 year old, 12 year old, 17 year old, and 23 year old brains just make me angry. Those thoughts are some of the same ones I have now, with more "grown up" traits. The cycle, my friends, must bloody well stop.
Where do we go from here? Thanks so much for asking, Mr. Lloyd Webber!!! I have made a decision. I watched myself go through all kinds of ridiculous cycles in my brain over people and things and whether or not I was popular enough. I watched myself earn a high school diploma and college degree. I watched the possibility of a high-profile singing career die a quick death at the hands of mental illness. I watched myself crawl on hands and knees through the trenches of coming back from said illness. You know what? I'm fucking tired. You know where we go from here? We go home.
Home! What a concept! I have one of those! It's full of all the things that my husband and I accumulate because we're unhappy with ourselves. This cycle ends here, my friends.
I am armed with a shit ton of organization books from the library, a phone number for a dumpster service, and beautiful beautiful ebay.
I am enough without all this crap in my house and my brain. I am enough with my husband, our satanically-minded cat, and a home in which we can start anew.
I am, quite simply, enough.
Happy Freakin' New Year.
I love your entries. You are wonderful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said!
ReplyDelete